"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales" Review

Whenever I do a review, I see a film twice and at first, I wasn't sure I wanted to see this one a second time. After my first viewing, I was highly critical of it. I felt it was lacking in many aspects, as I will mention, and when I left the theatre, I didn't know whether I liked, loved, or hated it. But the second time I found it far more enjoyable and actually funny. I would say that Dead Men Tell No Tales was (hopefully) a nice wrap up to the Pirates of the Caribbean series, if not for a particularly teasing bonus scene at the end of the movie.

However, before we get to that, we must 'start at the very beginning,' as Julie Andrews would sing. For those who have seen the previous films, the movie starts out following a young, twelve-year old Henry Turner [Lewis McGowen] as he tries to find his father, Will Turner [Orlando Bloom], on his ship, the Flying Dutchman. It was nice to see some father-son interaction and see what state Will was in as he was cursed to remain on his ship, only able to set foot on land once every ten years (At World's End). Jump ahead nine more years and young master Turner is a reckless youth who is constantly studying the seas and it's myths, something which comes in handy later.

When the Trident of Poseidon is introduced, it is declared as “a treasure to be found with a map no man can read” and an object that can break all the curses of the sea. This becomes the goal item for everyone to reach first. However, adding a use to the trident of Poseidon that is not necessarily "mythologically" true was a bit of a bother because they were mixing up Greek mythology and using it for their own storyline purposes. They also mentioned the place they found the trident as Poseidon's tomb which was odd because (again Greek mythology) the gods are immortal.

Obviously, for a young character such as Henry [Breton Thwaites], the story needs to provide a love interest. Carina Smyth [Kaya Scodelario], is a revolutionary character, arrested more than once for being an astronomer and horologist, a person who studies time. (Trust me, the pirates joked a lot about that word.) She's often called a 'witch' but the problem with this blatant name-calling is that later Barbossa and the King's Men, who'd been trying to arrest her for being a 'witch,' employ the help of an actual witch to help them find her again. However, the whole calling a woman a witch for having unusual interests definitely showed the progression of time in the history of this series, as well as the introduction of the newly-invented guillotine, which was involved in a hilarious stunt with Jack Sparrow.

The "Jack-escaping-from-authority-in-a-ridiculous-way-that-somehow-still-works" cliché happened a couple of times! When Jack first appears he is (surprise, surprise) sleeping in the town's new safe, but attempts to prove he's "still got it" by pulling off a heist. Truthfully, I was expecting something out of the question, like dragging a whole house down the street and out of the town just to steal the safe, but in retrospect, I think this may be one of the few times that the "true" Jack showed through. It was an insane plan and that's the Sparrow an audience will enjoy, but most of the rest of the time he seemed very apathetic towards everyone and everything.

Johnny Depp, carrying out his role as "the one and only Captain Jack Sparrow," did not perform to the standards he has set for his character over the years. Instead of recalling a character, it seemed like he was playing at the part. His voice, speech, and mannerisms seemed distinctly different from the earlier versions of this swashbuckling rogue. When Henry finds Jack, even he is dumbfounded that the great pirate he'd spent years searching for is some drunk in a cell. In short, as a less committed version of himself, Sparrow resorts to becoming a cranky, washed-up Captain without a crew, without a bounty on his head, and enough desperation for the bottle to trade in his compass, which ends up forwarding the storyline to release the dead.

Captain Salazar [Javier Bardem] ​and his crew were interesting to say the least. (They were the dead men that could tell no tales.) The blown up pieces of their deceased bodies were all that remained of their past life and I thought that recreation/distinction was rather creative. Salazar's hair looks like it's floating most of the time because he died in the water.

The obvious, "let's-say-the-title-of-the-movie-right-before-the-movie-title-comes-up," cliché happened as well and unfortunately I was rather unimpressed by the feebleness by which the opening tried to hook me into the story...because it didn't. And the fact that Captain Salazar leaves one man alive from every ship to "tell the tale" was the only reason Henry made it through his first seven and a half minutes of screen time.

Speaking of history, ​​Captain Salazar describes at one point, his first encounter with Jack. He explains how Jack came to be known as "Sparrow" and covered a lot of backstory also as to how Jack became Captain as a young pirate.

Young Sparrow's crew also offers him tribute showing the viewers how Jack got all of his artifacts that he's worn over the years, such as the beaded string in his bandana and his precious hat.

The third Captain in this film, Captain Hector Barbossa [Geoffrey Rush] was more of an old suck-up to Captain Salazar than his usual wide-eyed, half-crazed pirate self. ​​​

Granted, he was casually slipping his way into pirate retirement, with ten pirate ships from Blackbeard's ship (On Stranger's Tides) under his command, but when Salazar shows up, he submits to him easily enough without seeming to care at all for his crew.

However, his character gains substance as moments from his past are revealed.

Yet, from some of the Black Pearl's original crew, plus Scrum from On Stranger's Tides, and a few odd pirates whose names were never mentioned, the film brought back a lot of the series regulars, even the two King's Men guards that used to bicker back and forth while Jack would steal whatever it was they were supposed to be guarding. It was also nice to see Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly reprise their roles as Will Turner and Elizabeth [Swann] Turner and a surprise to briefly introduce a new character, Jack's Uncle Jack [Paul McCartney].

Now, Barbossa needed to die. Sad to say, but it's true and I'm glad the writers were thinking in this direction. In order for there to be a "happy ending," there couldn't be two Captains fighting over the Black Pearl. Barbossa had a rough life and saving his daughter, coincidentally Carina, then sacrificing himself to kill Salazar was the best way for him to go out with at least a little bit of sympathy from the audience. However, the teaser at the end of the film reminded me that just because a character dies, that doesn't mean they're gone for good. A bunch of characters have died in past movies and been revived for the purpose of continuing the storyline. I won't say who it might be that shows up sneaking around Will and Elizabeth's bedroom, but with all the curses of the sea broken, it wasn't at all hard to guess.

However, regardless of whether or not anything comes of the stinger clip, the series needs to end. Every character is tired out. Even when Jack's men rolled a cannon into town to rescue Sparrow from a beheading, they were standing there looking like they were done too. Unfortunately for the film, it followed it's usual format when it came to the plot, backstabbing pirates, and a love story,...so pretty much all of it made for a predictable set of events that were tied together mostly by coincidence. Also, there was so much exposition about the various elements that were needed to be discussed to tie everyone's stories together: the Trident of Poseidon, a red moon rock, a book with a map on it, etc. The whole film was confusing to follow and with so many extra elements, most of the time, it all became quite muddled.

Basically, this film should've been the fourth film to wrap up the franchise and honestly, I'm amazed they stretched it out for this long. This film was basically closure for anyone who felt the series could've been wrapped up with a nice bow around it to tie up any loose ends, which it did well enough. Yet there is a lingering possibility that the adventure is not quite over.